Lately, I have become pretty bad at neglecting the blog. Been overly distracted it seems. Not sure why overall but a few things have cropped up.
It is getting to be three month check up time again. Probably the most common time that I get stressed about cancer things. Waiting to go in for tests and waiting to go in to have my oncologist give me "the news". So far they have all been good news but it is never less stressful for me. I know it is hard on Sara too, which makes me feel a bit bad about. She never signed on for this but has been a trooper and a great supporter. I know how hard it is on her too, and unfair on her, she has been really strong though. Impressive stuff.
I guess this has been highlighted further these days by the fact that I have heard of multiple people that I know or have met or talked to through social media and were in remission, no longer are. It is the biggest fear anyone who has gone through cancer could have. It just goes to highlight the fact that no matter how far along you are, and how much people want you to be "over it" and not worry about cancer, that many of these fears are completely justified by cancer survivors. I understand you don't want them to dominate your life, which I don't think I do, but it is nice to have them acknowledged as a real fear.
This stress has kind of built up over the last while, and I worry about the future and decisions I have made in the past. It has made me distracted, and honestly quite irritable, and this is no ones "fault", just something I have been dealing with. It has lead me to be quite disconnected sometimes, and I know this is not a good thing. I have discussed it with Sara and am looking at some more counseling tomorrow which I really hope will help calm the storm going on in my head.I have said it before, but no one wants to be past this more than me, but I still need time, and still need a little patience. I never really took a lot of time to deal with what happened to me, and it shows up from time to time in a negative way.
One thing is for sure though, I will continue to work away at it. Get these distractions gone, get reconnected with life, and get things back on track in a positive way!