One year into remission I have to say I am still a bit unsure of where things are going.
From talking to many people who have had cancer, and counselors and the like, I am starting to realize I am not alone in this feeling. It is nice to not feel alone in times like this. Many of the people around me seem to be getting over things quicker than me, and I have often wondered why I haven't been able to move past as quickly.
One of the nice things about talking to say many people lately is that I realize I am not alone in my concerns, fears and whatever else comes across my mind. It is normal to feel this way only one year out of cancer treatment. I surely thought when I was getting treated that by the time the twelve months had passed after treatment I wouldn't worry about it anymore. It was one of the reasons I was slow to go seek out advice. I figured if I had of gone right away after treatment that would have been more "normal". Given that I had waited a year, or still felt that way after a year, I assumed I was alone in feeling like this and that I had missed "my time" for counsel. I am happy to say I was completely wrong about this (so don't worry if you feel the same way as I do, you have not missed your opportunity!) I have learned that people deal with things at different times, and you can only deal with things when you are ready to. For a lot of the emotional issues with cancer, I thought I could bury it down, and for about a year I could. I can't anymore.
The next year will be an interesting one. More check ups, more tests, but more of my life too. I am getting better at stressing less between check ups, but many days that can still bit hard with the odd ached and pain (is this head ache a brain tumor? for example). I am still getting by at work, it isn't going great, but it is going. I still struggle with many aspects of work, but I still work hard and put my time in each day. I hope this effort pays off. I hope this next year goes well, I have many things I look forward to (conferences, birthdays, vacations and holidays). Over this time I know I will still deal with cancer issues. Some old, some new.
Losing control of my life put things in a whole new perspective for me, and I hope it gives me some different perspective for this second year after cancer. As long as I stay healthy, I figure I will manage.