When diagnosed with cancer, and dealing with all the after effects, most of the time it feels like I don't have control. I think this is a common feeling.
There are a lot of things that cannot really be changed in that regards. Concerns over my health, check ups and concerns over relapses are things that will be ever present (or at least present for a long time). I have accepted that I can't really control those things.
I also can't control how other people deal with a lot of these things. I know they stress people out, I know everyone wants me to feel differently a lot of the time, and it can put unwanted stress on a lot of those relationships. I have learned that because of the way I feel about a lot of these concerns, and when I decide to put myself first, it also puts added stress on a lot of people. That may not make sense but it sure is the way I feel. Putting myself first is something I don't do day to day, so I can understand when I change my routine how it can stress people out.
I really lose my focus because of all of these things. It can add up and make my day rather hard. A lot of the time, I feel like I have no control over my life, and I am just doing what other people want me to do.
One thing I can control is my exercise routine (as long as I take my time!). I can go to the gym every day that I want to and it allows me to focus. It gives me back some of my strength (both mentally and physically). I can control my routine, I can control what I do, and I can gradually improve over time. Every exercise I add and every minute of cardio I do, is completely in my control. I have total focus when I am exercising. Whether it be at the gym, on bike, on my skis, whatever, it doesn't really matter. I am in control. It is amazingly comforting and calming. And on top of that, I get in better shape, and it encourages me to continue to eat healthy. Something I rarely feel like I have since my battle with cancer.
|Me at the end of a big bike ride!|
I hope I never get sick again. I don't know what I would do with that whole situation, I don't think anybody does. As I said it is a huge uncontrollable concern. At least for now, I can exercise on my schedule, and take control of that portion of my life. I hope some other cancer fighters can find a little peace in exercise as well.